


Board and Lodging

by The_Dancing_Walrus



Category: DCU
Genre: Cats, Dysfunctional Family, Earth-3 (Crime Syndicate Universe), Gen, Heroes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-15
Updated: 2013-02-15
Packaged: 2017-11-29 10:04:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/685716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Dancing_Walrus/pseuds/The_Dancing_Walrus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had finally happened, every hero in Gotham had moved into the Riddler's house.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Board and Lodging

It had finally happened, the Riddler thought with a heartfelt sigh; every hero in Gotham had moved into his house.

 

It had started with Jackie (Edward Nygma did not count Three-Face or her daughter as part of the invasion). True it had been Three-Face herself who had suggested that he come to stay, and the reasoning was perfectly sound. And of course Three-Face had been _very_ persuasive-

 

So the Jokester had come to stay. He was somewhat irritating at times, but less so once you got used to his sense of humour, and Jackie _was_ useful. His planning was chaotic to such a degree that he was almost impossible to predict, and his first aid was perfectly passable, and his inventions were quite ingenious. The Jokester was a very useful ally, good company-

 

And he always cooked breakfast for the rest of the household, which was useful when no one else wanted to get up until at least eleven-

 

It had been a perfectly acceptable situation.

 

It had started going downhill when Punchinello had turned up.

 

Of course he couldn’t _blame_ Jackie, the poor clown had spent years thinking she was dead and they _had_ been very close and it _did_ stop the Jokester flirting with Three-Face for a while-

 

Of course within two weeks Harleen had also managed to make herself indispensible. She was a talented actress who fast became an expert on infiltration, a brilliant gymnast-

 

And she _was_ always very cheery. A very easy house-guest and a good influence on Duela who actually listened to her on the grounds that they weren’t related so Harley was allowed to be cool.

 

Then they’d found Dr Jonathon Crane. The Riddler had tried to argue that a hospital would probably be better for the man, that they didn’t have anything like the facilities-

 

He’d never had _all_ of Three-Faces personalities shout at him at once before. It was a disconcerting experience.

 

So they’d brought Crane back, and he _was_ extremely good with chemicals, a dab hand at minor surgery as well, which was not something to be sniffed at in their line of work. It was also rather nice to have another voice of logic and sanity in the house-

 

Next had been Pam, who had not actually been in any real trouble but Harley had _insisted_ and Crane hadn’t backed him up because he was too busy blinking away after-images of dangerously red hair.

 

The front room had turned into a veritable rainforest before the end of the week. Pamela had many fine qualities, a dedication to justice, a grasp of bio-chemistry that probably surpassed the country’s experts, a keen intellect- Tact however was not her strong point and she often came dangerously close to crossing the line in her....enthusiasm to rid the city of crime. But Harley wouldn’t hear a word against her, Crane was slightly afraid of her, and at least one of Three-Face’s personas was fond of her-

 

So he was outvoted.

 

Oswald Cobblepot had needed protection from Owlman after some rather shrewd accountancy tricks had bankrupted six of the Big-Bird’s companies-

 

Crane and Jackie had _turned up_ one night with a man-shaped mess of mud that had later coalesced into..... a slightly more solid man-shaped mess of mud. Apparently Owlman had been dabbling in pharmaceuticals again and they could hardly turn poor Basil out, even if he _did_ sometimes leave trails on the floor-

 

And he got on very well with Pamela; after that misunderstanding with the geraniums had blown over. And it _was_ useful having someone who could pull Isley back occasionally.

 

Then Duela, in a particularly treacherous turn, had offered to take care of Selina Kyle’s cats for over a month, lumbering her ever increasing family with more than fifteen new lodgers-

 

And the Jokester, Crane and Cobblepot were taking turns nagging him about the Mad Hatter, who _had_ come up with some wonderfully devious devices which had proved very successful against the Crime Syndicate-

 

The Riddler sighed. He struggled down to the kitchen, deftly avoiding clay, cats and a small Capella. From further down the corridor he could smell pancakes and from the basement he could hear the first strains of the Mozart symphony that served as Cobblepot’s alarm clock. Harley had left her mallet in the hall again-

 

He would have hired a maid months ago, but there was no point when they’d get paid off-

 

And of course the kitchen table was covered with Crane’s notes, one of Pamela’s latest pets was colonising the wall and someone’s experiment was bubbling worryingly close to the Jokester’s over-flowing bowl of pancake batter.

 

The Riddler sighed. He was a genius, he would think of something-

 

Probably something that involved finding a bigger house-

 


End file.
